Submission IV: A Love that Circled Back [BL]

Chapter 9 – “fell like raindrops into the deep pool of his memory”
His hand, feeling a little empty, hung back down. Qin Mu said without much emotion: “If Mr Shen does not wish to lend his phone, please say so directly.” When he was serious, he carried an air of sharp, unyielding coldness, like a drawn blade, dimly glowing with the snowy light of a winter eve.
“Mis-ter-Shen.” The man rolled the syllables of the title around his tongue, tasted it, and hung an amused smile upon his face, “First time I’ve heard you call me that – how refreshingly novel.”
Exhausted by the troubles of the day, Qin Mu now found himself being toyed with and couldn’t quite hold in his temper. He retorted with sarcasm, “Your lordship’s idea of hospitality towards his guests is also refreshingly novel.”
“Oh? So you’ve presumed yourself a guest of this house, so easily, without any qualm?” The man teased with a half-smile.
“I had no intention of intruding. It was you who went out of your way to ‘invite’ me here.”
The man let out a brief laugh, “Are all lawyers this hard to reason with? Instead of trying to repay me for saving your life, you’re afraid I’m setting a trap for you, scrambling to cut ties and draw up lines in the sand.”  
So ‘petty’ Attorney Qin abandoned all caution and went all in peddling pedantry, “They had no intention of killing me. Saying I owe you for ‘saving my life’ is much ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) too exaggerated.”
“Alright then, even if I didn’t save your life”, the man graciously yielded, then calmly, slowly mused, “as former lovers, surely there is no need to act so estranged?”
The unexpected utterance of the two words “former lovers” sent an uncontrollable flush down the roots of Qin Mu’s ears. He remained silent for a little while and then said, “Has Mr Shen invited me over for the sake of nostalgia?”
“Oh? You’re not willing?” The man studied him. His gaze carried a warm intensity and travelled across Qin Mu’s body, finally pausing on the small injury at the corner of his eye, “You’re injured…” But before his raised hand could touch the edge of Qin Mu’s glasses, it was caught mid-air.  
In an instant, the standoff solidified the tension in the reception hall.
Qin Mu stood silently, with unmistakable warning in his eyes. But the man acted blind to it, and, with deliberate provocation, took a half step closer. In that instant, the grip on his wrist tightened, but the man curled his lips, unbothered.
The proximity between them was now beyond the bounds of strangers. The invisible feeling of silent pressure that came down upon Qin Mu put his nerves on edge. He didn’t like the feeling of being out of control, nor did he want to show weakness in this sort of confrontation. But the man before him, the posture they held, the sound of his voice… a flood of familiar details fell like raindrops into the deep pool of his memory, unceasingly pattering against the surface of the water, shaking apart the fragile, age-worn seal, threatening to rouse the monster that lay sleeping at the bottom of the water.
Qin Mu had no desire to continue with the struggle. Tired, he released his hand, lowered his gaze and allowed the man to remove the glasses from his nose. The next moment, a finger gently brushed across the wound at the corner of his eye, leaving a trace of warmth. Giving in, Qin Mu sighed and murmured: “… Shen Liu.”
“No more ‘Mr Shen’?” Shen Liu teased.
“I’m tired.” Qin Mu closed his eyes for a moment, saying, “Your phone, can I borrow it?”
“Of course.” Shen Liu gave his agreement, but showed no intention of taking it out.
With no other choice, Qin Mu reached his hand into the pocket of the other’s robe, took it and then asked: “Passcode?”
Shen Liu watched him, an amused smile playing at the corner of his eyes, and remained silent.
Qin Mu looked into his eyes for two seconds and felt a twitch between his brows. His fingers, as if lured by some temptation, traced on the number pad, almost against his own will, the five digits “3-1-4-1-5”, but then halted above the “9”, holding back, hesitating, refusing to press down. This small machine within his hands now burned like a scalding hot potato - he could neither hold it steady nor throw it away. All he could do was grit his teeth and continue.
The moment the tip of his fingers touched “9”, the phone unlocked.
In that moment, it was as if a thousand other things also unlocked. They raced to surface from the deep waters of his memory, revealing the vague outlines of their form – the light of dusk, a library, a young man with Calculus in his hands…
Qin Mu tightened his lips, trying to control his emotions, and, acting as if nothing had happened, entered Gang Zi’s number. When he heard the notification “this phone number is unavailable”, he raised his eyes to Shen Liu.
The man leaned back against the sofa and, casually, started to peel an orange, “Need him to warm your bed?”
“He’s a bodyguard.”

The man scoffed with contempt, “Useless rubbish that loses his charge from right under his nose, that can be called a bodyguard? I had thought Second Chu* would be somewhat useful, yet he failed to dissuade you and even sent over this imbecile to embarrass himself.” He spoke harshly, but his hands were skillfully peeling the white pith off each orange segment, and it felt oddly harmonious.
Qin Mu frowned, “Where is Gang Zi?”
“Had his pinkie chopped off and then thrown into Peace Lake.” Shen Liu looked up to see Qin Mu’s reaction and laughed, “Just joking. Do you need to be this tense? I had people pack his bags and then sent him home. He’s probably dreaming on the plane right now.” He pulled the phone away from Qin Mu’s hands and placed the peeled orange in it instead, “I’ve sent word to Second Chu already, you don’t need to worry. Now, let’s go – let this master of the house show some appropriate hospitality to the honoured guest who has travelled from afar.”
Qin Mu glanced at the bare orange in his hands, popped a slice into his mouth. Sweet, juicy – it wasn’t bad at all.
Shen Liu led him up to the fourth floor. The guest suite he was given had three rooms. They were elegantly décored and a few famous oil paintings hung on the walls. Two servants entered, carrying food and clothes, quietly set everything down and then left.
Shen Liu slowly stirred the steaming clay pot with a spoon and said, “The porridge is still hot. You should go and take a shower first. You’re filthy. You look like you’ve just returned from a day’s work in the coal mines.”
Qin Mu nodded, entered the bathroom and washed away the day’s dust. He wasn’t seriously injured. Just some bruising along the ribs and lower back, and some small cuts on his back, elbows and the corner of his eye. As he was examining his injuries in the mirror, the bathroom door opened.
Shen Liu entered with an air of practised familiarity, carrying a small first-aid kit, “Let me apply some medicine for you.”
Qin Mu: “…”
He was sure he had locked the door from the inside.
“Oh, that lock’s broken.” Shen Liu lied without batting an eye and then walked over, holding in a pincer a cotton ball soaked with alcohol.
Standing entirely naked, Qin Mu looked at him expressionlessly, “As master of the house, should you not at least guarantee the basic privacy of your guest?”
The smile in Shen Liu’s eyes deepened, “As Master, I would have brought in much more than just a first-aid kid.”
Stumped and speechless, Qin Mu knew continuing the argument would only worsen the awkward tension. He pressed his lips, looked at him and then threw on a bathrobe.
“Medicine first. Then clothes.” Shen Liu caught his hand. Qin Mu shot him a glance, and he let go. He then held his hands up full of harmless innocence, “I’m just here to help you apply some medicine. My intentions are entirely pure. I promise I will do nothing to you.” Seeing no reaction from Qin Mu, he said with a grin, “If you’re feeling shy, I can apply it with my eyes closed?”
Qin Mu stared back at him expressionlessly. Then, with the air of one beaten, he took off the bathrobe.
It was quite painful whenever the alcohol touched his wounds. But he bore it without changing his expression, as if he didn’t feel a thing.
Shen Liu tended the wounds gently and expertly, and only finished after he carefully rubbed ointment onto the bruised areas. As he had promised, he didn’t do anything out of line during the process.
By the time Qin Mu had tied his bathrobe and came back out, the millet porridge was served ready in a bowl. Starving, he quickly downed two bowls, one after the other. His appetite also roused, Shen Liu joined him.  
After finishing, neither of them spoke, and they sat in silence for a while.
Then, Qin Mu said, “Thank you.”
But Shen Liu refused to return the show of seriousness. Instead, he lounged back against the cushion with a relaxed air and joked, “Other than saying thank you, is there nothing else you want to say to me? For example, I’m afraid to sleep by myself, please stay with me?”
Qin Mu paused for a second, “Actually, I do have questions for you.”
It seemed that Shen Liu had already guessed what he wanted to ask, and offered an open response in advance, “Yes, the ‘Shen’ of ‘Shen Liu’ is the same as the Shen Family you are thinking of. The asshole father who broke my leg all those years ago was Shen Lan. Anything else you want to ask?”
The answer confirmed what Qin Mu had already suspected, so he wasn’t exactly surprised. He shook his head and said, “Nothing else.” Once the servants cleared away the dishes, only then did Shen Liu slowly stand up, “Don’t sleep too late. Good night.”
The room emptied. Feeling tired, he rubbed between his brows. He turned and then noticed the phone lying by the pillow.
It was his phone. Shen Liu had clearly had it in his possession all along, yet refused to hand it over, intentionally making him grovel and beg for it. Whenever this man decided to stir trouble, he made sure you’d want to tear your hair out.  
After unlocking it with his fingerprint, a few WeChat message notifications appeared. They were all from a person called “Call me Gege* and I’ll give you candy”. Most of Qin Mu’s WeChat contacts were colleagues or clients. They were all labelled with their real names, with detailed notes of their associated companies and legal cases, and then sorted under tags. Where on earth did this person come from?
First message.
[Call me Gege and I’ll give you candy]: Well, Attorney Qin, you’re quite the sentimental guy. Still can’t bring yourself to change the password after all these years.
Second message.
[Call me Gege and I’ll give you candy]: For your own safety, I’ve installed tracking software in your phone. Giving you a heads-up so you don’t take me to court over invasion of privacy. Don’t even think about deleting it – you won’t succeed.”
Third message.
[Call me Gege and I’ll give you candy]: Don’t sleep too late. Sleeping late and overthinking accelerate aging.
Right. Even one’s own toes could guess who it was. Qin Mu held back the urge to throw the phone straight out the window, lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. After a long, exhausting day, Qin Mu had thought he’d fall asleep straight away, but his mind, like an unreined horse, ran wild and uncontrolled into the deep valleys of his memory.
314159.
The first six digits of π.
It was also the password he had used since his youth.
The surging river of time roared and howled as it flooded backwards. A young man, filled with nervous timidity, walked up the winding staircases, across rows of neat bookshelves, and found the man he was looking for next to the window, and then, summoning every last ounce of his courage, he asked:
“To you… what am I?”
“π”
“…what?”
“Hidden in every circle is a mischievous, fascinating, infinitely non-repeating decimal. It is the inner pattern, though impossible to accurately calculate. Something that needs to be constantly and carefully pondered over, just like someone who has been secretly held in my heart…”
Gradually, the softened colours of the scene became clear.
The golden and red waves of the sunset outside the windows, the gentle light that fell upon the side of his face, the yellowed pages of the book in his hand, the heart that beat uncontrollably, the clean smell of school uniform, and the soft, moist warmth of lips… All that he had thought he’d forgotten gradually came back to life through the details. That radiant, almost surreal, dusk from all those years ago was like a watercolour painting that was now being recoloured and redrawn, each brushstroke lush and delicate, outlining a love that was youthful and naïve, yet burned forever upon one’s heart.
Shen Liu.
A little irritated, Qin Mu opened his eyes and stared blankly at the wall lamp.
Long-forgotten memories of days and people that were meant to be tucked away on a high shelf were now, as if freed from restraint, causing havoc in his heart, and he couldn’t sleep.
It was maddening.
He decided he would leave first thing in the morning. But before he could leave, he had to first find his luggage, all the material he had found on the Precious Health case was in it. His phone was already retrieved, which meant Shen Liu had people go to the hotel, which, according to his style of handling things, probably meant even the carpets had been searched under. The luggage must have been brought along too, it was just a matter of him not being willing to directly hand it over to him.  
Was it so that he would go and beg him again?
Qin Mu closed his eyes and exhaled heavily.
 
************
 
Translator’s Note:
1. “Second Chu” is the title given to Chu Yu by friends or those of higher rank. It is a more casual but still impersonal title.
2.Here we have the first use of “gege” in its affectionate and romantic form. Older brother or Korean hyung.